Flypaper for Freaks

You will never guess what happened to me this morning.

It was 10 a.m. and I got dressed in jeans, a shirt and sneakers. I fixed my hair and put on a hat. I was getting ready to walk Dog and then go meet my best friend at the thrift store.

While walking Dog, I noticed a black SUV pull up and park on a patch of grass a few feet away from us. Dog sniffed around, looking for a spot to do her business. I looked at the car, expecting someone to climb out of it and walk into the complex, but no one did. It just sat there, with the motor running. I just figured the person in the car was waiting for someone. After a minute or so, no one had come out at all, so I got this strange feeling.

"C'mon, Bonzai," I chirped to Dog, hurrying her away from the street and toward our complex. When we had walked a few feet, I heard a car pulling up behind us slowly. I began to get nervous and picked up the pace. Dog went into another grass patch to pee and the car suddenly pulled up next to us. The driver had brought the passenger window down. It was a man. He gave me a meaningful smirk and a nod. Guess what he wanted to show me? He was MASTURBATING! I immediately began running toward my house, Dog in tow, as the car sped away down the street. Thoroughly disgusted and shaken, I told my husband what had happened. He was very displeased and advised me to start carrying mase on my walks with Dog.

If I ever see that car again, I will get a license plate number and report it to the police. That man was disgusting and stupid. I get all the weirdos.